Christmas with Howard & Vince
by LDNatalie
Summary: Set of Christmas themed mini-fics. Rated T
1. Chapter 1

'_**Last Christmas, you gave me your heart'**_

Vince giggled as he twirled his way around the party, waving to a girl squealing his name excitedly in the corner. A man stopped him with a hand on his arm and slyly asked about the lack of mistletoe. Vince gave him a sunshine smile; passed him some of Naboo's special Eggnog and neatly sidestepped him. Tony Harrison was sidling up to a nervous-looking Saboo who was sipping his lemonade daintily and coyly looking the other way.

A girl in a long white dress with a gold halo shimmied up to Vince.

'Hiya, want to dance Noir?' she said brightly.

Vince spun her around before blowing her a kiss and continuing across the packed room.

His path was blocked by a snoozing Bollo, a pair of Nu-Rave glasses on his face. Vince carefully stepped over him, making a mental note to give all baked goods a miss.

Fossil swayed over to Vince, rubbing his chest and licking his lips.

'Vincey baby' he said 'are you going to visit my _chimney_ huh?'

Vince pulled a face and yelled 'Hi Bainbridge' and pointed over Fossil's shoulder.

Fossil's eyes lit up as he turned around, and Vince made his escape.

Vince felt his eyes get heavy as he surveyed the landscape.

Suddenly his eyes lit up as he found what he was looking for.

'Hello' said Vince, standing on his tiptoes and whispering in Howard's ear over the noise. Howard turned and grinned at him, his hair in his face and the top button of his skirt undone. Vince's breath hitched. He unfurled his hand, and with his cheeks turning pink passed Howard a decoration off the tree. It was a heart.

'_**Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing - A ring'**_

Vince felt like he was about to faint, but it was somehow okay because Howard was hyperventilating quite loudly, and had neglected balancing on one knee to sit on the couch and breathe into a paper bag. Vince looked at him, his tiny eyes peering out from the bag every so often, filled with fear. His hands were shaking, and the crinkling sound against the bag seemed to echo in the small room. Vince was able to speak, after swallowing the lump in his throat.

'You want to be with me, forever?' he asked, quietly.

Howard nodded and put the bag down. 'Is there anyone else?' he said softly.

'_**Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas, this is all I'm asking for. I just want to see my baby, standing right outside my door'**_

Howard kicked the sofa miserably, wondering why Vince had booked a gig on Christmas Eve. I mean, an all-nighter on _Christmas Eve_ for god's sake. He slumped onto the sofa, sighing dramatically before picking up the remote and flicking through the channels. Everyone on TV was celebrating with their families or cuddling up to a loved one. Howard frowned, no, it wasn't a wonderful life, it didn't snow on Christmas anymore, and Santa wasn't real. He turned to the tree and adjusted the angel at the top. Vince had customised it, so they now had a little Ziggy Stardust perched above the glittering lights and home-made decorations. Vince had threaded popcorn to put onto the branches, making Howard smile by sing-songing 'one for me, one for the tree'. At the base of the tree were presents, brightly-wrapped with ribbons and one that looked quite plain in brown paper with a single red ribbon. At the sound of the ticking clock Howard huffed as he saw the time, only 12:17am and turned off the TV, twisting to rest his head on a pillow. He closed his eyes and wished for morning to come.

Howard awoke to a loud buzzing noise, so with hazy vision and slow footsteps he looked blearily at the time, only 1:20am and moved to answer the door. Howard presumed it was Naboo and Bollo, back from the Shamen Council's Seasonal Potluck dance. Wondering briefly how Tony Harrison _could_ dance he opened the latch and moved backwards to go back to sleep. But instead of a lisp or a grunt he felt two little arms encircle his waist and a cold face at his neck.

'Vince' sighed Howard drowsily; feeling himself be lead back onto the sofa, with Vince snuggled down next to him.

'_**He sees you when you're sleeping  
He knows when you're awake  
He knows if you've been bad or good  
So be good for goodness sake!'**_

A figure, clad in bright colours snuck into the dark room, moving his sack onto his other shoulder with a small grunt. Adjusting his hat he tiptoed past the two beds, putting sweets, small toys and an orange into the stockings. One was neon green with diamante trim, with 'Vince' stitched onto the front in a slightly-crooked fashion. The other was more subdued, the man would hazard a melodious fawn shade with a little label with 'Howard' on it. Thinking he saw the smaller man move he stopped, the floorboard creaking as he held his breath and waited. However the breathing of the smaller man evened out, so he just fondly gazed at the two before leaving.

'See' said Vince triumphantly, jumping out of bed and gesturing wildly to his overflowing stocking. Naboo and Bollo stuck their heads round the door, to investigate the high-pitched squealing.

Vince sat back down on his bed, his mouth full of sweets. He chewed steadily, then half-grinned at Howard.

'Told you Santa is real' he said smugly.

Howard raised an eyebrow at Naboo, who just winked and took off down the hallway humming a carol. Well, it was _Christmas_.

_**Sinatra was swinging,  
All the drunks they were singing  
We kissed on a corner  
Then danced through the night**_

'Come on' whined Vince, dragging Howard down the street.

'Where?' asked a bewildered Howard, trying not to stumble over the icy pavements.

'You'll see' said Vince, shifting slightly to shout over his shoulder.

Howard was sure his lungs were about to give up when Vince turned round a corner, screeched to a halt, in front of a pretty bandstand, with white fairy lights. The night seemed to shimmer, with the lights reflecting off of the band, perched merrily inside the bandstand, playing slow swing music. A few couples were slow-dancing on the icy grass, seemingly oblivious to the cold.

It was a truly magical sight, one that only ever seemed to happen at Christmas where you just shrugged at the corniness and instead embraced it.

Vince, surprisingly strong, swung Howard round to face him. Howard ended up face to face with a flushed, breathless Vince.

'Dance with me?' he asked, his blue eyes pleading.

Howard made a face, and went to stand back. 'I don't really' he began.

Vince stroked his hand gently. 'Please' he said softly.

Howard found himself saying 'Okay' under Vince's gentle touch.

Vince took his hand and placed it on his shoulder, before stopping and looking into Howard's slightly shocked looking face. Smiling affectionately he took his other arm and placed it around his waist, bringing them closed together.

Howard's eyes seemed twice the size as he glanced around at the other dancers, looking anywhere but Vince's face. He knew if he did, he would be lost.

'Howard' said Vince quietly, waiting patiently for Howard to look at him.

Howard looked down at Vince, and suddenly the whole world disappeared.

'Happy Christmas Vince' Howard said suddenly.

'Happy Christmas Howard' Vince replied, leaning forwards to rest his head on Howard's chest as they swayed together.

**_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Let your heart be light  
From now on,  
our troubles will be out of sight_**

Vince finally closed his eyes, the candlelight making him seem like a waxwork, very pale with glittering tearstains. Howard wearily sighed and took off his jumper, placing it over Vince's chest. He walked towards the window and looked out, feeling his heart weigh heavy. The snow was falling more heavily now, the delicate snowflakes landing on the ground and forming a blanket of beautiful whiteness. The candle flickered and Howard turned to see it go out, a thin swirl of smoke floating towards the ceiling. Howard moved towards the kitchen, going to flick the kettle on before deciding not to, he tapped his hand anxiously on the fridge door before moving to the cupboard, opening it then shutting it again. Unable to stop himself he moved towards Vince. Upon sitting down next to him on the sofa Howard gently pushed his fringe out of his face. Howard kissed his cheek gently, and whispered, 'I will make it better Vince. I promise'. Howard then sat back, curled his feet underneath him and waited for morning.

**_I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside  
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside_**

'Okay, I am going to go and see Lester, like I promised' Howard said, trying to find his trousers and wondering what the time was.

Lester didn't wear a watch, it was a biological impossibility now, but he knew he would still complain.

'Don't go' said Vince, stretching languorously and smirking.

Howard didn't turn around. 'Can't' he said briefly, picking up a sock and tutting when he realised it was Vince's, complete with red pom-pom.

'But Howard' Vince said, slowly moving towards Howard, 'its so cold outside.'

Howard turned around to raise an eyebrow at Vince but instantly regretted it as he saw Vince, hair mused and biting his bottom lip.

'I'll wear a coat' he said, sounding only half sure himself.

Vince nodded, then tilted his head, 'but what if you get ill, you should really stay here with me, hmm?'

Howard found himself nodding along before laughing, 'Vince, stop it!'

Vince smirked, 'what? I'm not _doing_ anything am I?' Howard wryly shook his head.

Vince moved closer and slung his arms around Howard's back. 'Its just so cold out, and its all warm here, warm and cosy like a kitten in a mitten'.

Howard went to say something but he faltered as he felt Vince softly kiss up his back to the nape of his neck.

'V…Vince' he said warningly. 'Yes Howard' said Vince, in between kisses.

Howard forgot what he was going to say as Vince slipped round from his back to onto his lap, curling his arms round his neck and gently playing with his hair.

'It is a _bit_ cold' Howard said as Vince trailed kisses down his chest.

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**Thanks for reading! Please review! xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**I post mainly on the Haven, so forgot to post this last bit. I hope you all still enjoy!**

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* * *

  
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** _There'll be scary ghost stories  
And tales of the glories of  
Christmases long, long ago __It's the most wonderful time of the year_**

'Howard' Vince said lazily, his head rested on Howard's chest.

'Mmm' said Howard, half-asleep.

'D'ya remember our first Christmas?'

Howard thought, 'Yeah' he said, 'when Fossil wore that turkey as shorts?'

Vince laughed at the memory. Fossil proudly parading around, bare-chested but with this huge turkey stuck – thankfully – over himself.

'No, no' he said, 'our first one'

'No' Howard said, trying to think.

Vince pouted, 'Well, I do. It was my first year at the zoo, remember and I barged my way into your Christmas'

Suddenly it all came back to Howard. His carefully planned solo Christmas, all ruined by the arrival of this messy-haired, bouncy boy who decked the hut in tinsel and hummed Christmas songs day and night.

'I remember' said Howard, bending down and kissing Vince's forehead.

Vince smiled, 'When we met you said that you were expecting your usual crowd for Christmas, and that you all played jazz versions of carols before a subdued game of scrabble'.

Howard flushed.

'Then' Vince continued, 'I told you I would be there for Christmas too and you went all pale and said that meant you would kindly cancel your plans, and you did a sort of' Vince pulled a face and laughed, 'half-run, half-walk off into the Llama enclosure'.

Howard picked up a strand of Vince's hair and twirled it, feeling embarrassed.

Vince stopped laughing. 'But we had fun right?' he ventured, 'you know, with me being there, it was a good Christmas. We had that bauble fight…then we made an attempt at cooking Christmas dinner before we just ordered that pizza…and we played Twister'

Vince paused and glanced up at Howard, 'which I still think you forfeited just to look at my arse' Howard raised an eyebrow and nodded.

'It was the best Christmas ever' said Howard, remembering Vince's face, lit-up by the Christmas tree lights as he told him about growing up in the jungle.

'Yeah' said Vince, sitting up and kissing Howard. 'Best Christmas ever'.

_**So here it is,  
Merry Christmas,  
Everybody's having fun,  
Look to the future now  
It's only just begun.**_

Vince delighted in Christmas. It was the holiday most suited to him, with its bright colours, sweets, cheery songs and air of magic. If it was due to him, the decorations would be up early; and Howard had felt bad denying him this simple pleasure but the Summer heat and plinky-plunky music of the ice-cream man helped him make the point that it was 'a tad early'

But now the nights were drawing in, people were wrapping themselves in thick coats and shawls and slipping gloved hands in to pockets before fading into the orange light of the streetlights. Someone last week had come in inquiring for a nativity set and Vince had pointedly raised an eyebrow and gone back to his magazine.

Howard usually woke up at his own pace, leisurely stretching before looking for his dressing gown and slippers. Once downstairs he would flick the kettle on, stick on 'Jazz: Morning Wood' on the radio before going back into the bedroom to put on Vince's straighteners and to give him an extra blanket. Vince snuffled a bit under the covers but remained asleep as Howard carefully laid the blanket over him.

Howard peered at Vince's advent calendar, with its suspicious amount of open windows and noted it was now only 12 days to Christmas. And Christmas meant mistletoe didn't it?

_**So on with the boots, back out in the snow  
To the only all-night grocery,  
When what to my wondering eyes should appear  
In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year!**_

Vince didn't remember but Howard had actually met him before he came to work at the zoo. About 2 months before they were introduced by Fossil Howard had gone into the supermarket, searching for Yorkshire puddings and bumped into a man with huge, beautiful blue eyes and messy blondey-brown hair at the checkout, who was pushing a small trolley filled with sweets, and frowning at the low-sugar varieties.

'Sorry' the man had said, smiling apologetically before moving out of the way.

Howard had just stared at him.

A month later and Howard had stopped peering round the aisles and nervously flattening his hair. Then, a few days later Howard saw him, opening a bag of hula-hoops and joking to the checkout girl that he was 'tryin' before buyin''.

So, on December the first Howard made a Christmas wish.

And on December 2nd Vince arrived.

_**A very Merry Xmas  
And a happy New Year  
Let's hope it's a good one  
Without any fear  
War is over, if you want it  
War is over now**_

'I'm only going to ask you one more time' Howard tutted. He had been waiting for Vince to get ready now for 4 hours. The o-zone layer was feebly choking at the amount of hairspray seeping through the door and Vince's straighteners had long since given up the ghost.

'It takes time to look this good' shouted back Vince, his voice muffed by the closed bathroom door.

'Clearly' said Howard, without thinking.

The door opened.

'What did you say?' said Vince, angrily.

'Nothing' muttered Howard.

'Well you can just fuck off and go by yourself then if you are so sick of waiting for me' said Vince, slamming the door.

Howard blinked before frowning and walking the other way.

Vince sighed as he sat down on the floor. He was shaking from nerves. He was only making a special effort because he was so scared to meet Howard's parents. What if they didn't like him? Surely Howard would take their opinions very seriously. Vince didn't know how to talk to parents; he had never had that kind of relationship before. What did he talk about, last of the summer wine, antiques roadshow?

Howard got down the stairs before the wave of guilt hit him. Vince was only trying, he was probably nervous. Although Vince liked to present this sunshine, happy image all the time sometimes he felt shy or out of place and he had admitted this to Howard.

Vince heard the knock at the bathroom door. He opened it, and went back to sitting on the cold tiles.

'You'll get ill' Howard said, coming in and frowning. He closed the bathroom window and stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say.

'Ready then?' he offered. Vince smiled and stood up.

'You look gorgeous' Howard told Vince as he went to walk out of the door.

Vince clutched his hand and picked up their Christmas gift for Howard's parents with the other. They walked out of the front door and into the snow.

**_Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,  
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.  
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,  
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.  
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;  
In all our trials born to be our friends. _**

Naboo was wondering how Vince managed to persuade Howard to take part in this; he then paused and scrunched up his nose. The clearing was dark, with the moon gently shining in the distance, humming to itself.

Stars twinkled in a navy sky and apart from the occasional shouts from Tony Harrison, all seemed set.

'Why am I doing this again Vince?' said Howard, frustrated.

'You know why' said Vince pointedly.

'But in THIS' said Howard, gesturing to his costume.

'It's very flattering' said Vince, trying not to laugh.

'It was made to fit Kirk' yelled Howard. 'Shush you jazzy bender, you'll wake him up and I'm not going to Turkish jail again' Vince said in a loud whisper.

Howard nodded his head hurriedly. 'Right' he said, mentally preparing himself. 'So it's a big role yeah' he said.

Vince nodded encouragingly, 'the biggest' he exclaimed, 'now come on!'

The nativity scene was bathed in a golden light one of the witches had managed to create and Saboo shuffled in front of the assembled crowd – a selection of magical folk as well as one Fawn, two dragons and a man in a tutu who was showing disgust at the drinks on offer.

Saboo cleared his throat, threw a nasty look at the disembodied voice shouting 'Get on with it ya nonce' and began. 'And then the star of Bethlehem lit up and guided the three wise men'

Saboo paused, then frowned as the Moon began to talk. 'The SILENT star' he yelled into the heavens. The moon tutted and muttered under his breath about being an Atheist. Naboo, Bollo and Dennis wandered out, over-acting as they peered around the stable.

'Then' said Saboo grandly 'Mary and Joseph had a baby, and they called him Jesus' Vince meandered into the clearing, wearing a blonde wig, full make-up and a mini-skirt. Saboo choked and one of the dragons, Clive, started to re-think his sexuality. Howard peered round the corner of the stable before walking to stand next to Vince, tugging his robe down so it covered what needed to be covered.

Vince turned and beamed at him. 'Oooh, I've had my baby' Vince said, in a high-pitched tone. 'Lets call him Gary' Howard frowned. This wasn't in the script.

Saboo huffed, 'LINE please Mary' Vince rolled his eyes, 'Fine, Jesus' he said sulkily, kicking the crib.

'Then' said Saboo 'Joseph picked up the baby Jesus and kissed him' Howard reached into the crib for the plastic baby, only to find Tony Harrison peering up at him, a huge smile on his face.

Howard was frozen in horror, and Saboo, thinking he had forgotten his cue repeated it. 'And kissed him' he said, nodding enthuastically. Howard closed his eyes, picked up Tony Harrison, feeling the tentacles coil unpleasantly around him and kissed him, feeling the pink squidgy head meet his lips awkwardly.

'So' continued Saboo, 'Jesus was born, and he shared great wisdom with us, and lived happily with his parents, Mary and Joseph, and was watched over by God. Vince clapped and cheered.

Tony Harrison paused, winked at Mrs Harrison and drew in a deep breath. This was it, his moment. The crunch.

'The End' said Saboo hastily.

'What' screeched Tony Harrison. 'That ain't the end, what happened to my big tap number? I had these shoes made specially. D'ya know how hard it is to have 7 individually crafted tap shoes made? It's not bloody easy at all Saboo. What about my festive rap? I suppose that's been taken away from me aswell!? This is…'

Tony Harrison paused at this point for breath and the assembled crowd waited politely for him to finish – well not everyone because Naboo and Bollo were stoned in the hay and Vince had his hand up Howard's robe; but still a sizeable amount - an outrage!' 

**_Not only green when summer's here,  
But also when 'tis cold and drear.  
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!  
Thy leaves are so unchanging!_**

'Shut-up' hissed Naboo as he heard a rustle in the distance. He glanced around fearfully. Bollo grunted an apology, or an insult, it was occasionally difficult to tell and resumed his sawing. The noise echoed through the small forest and Naboo glanced at the Moon to make sure he wasn't interfering.

The Moon was in fact wearing a novelty beard and glasses and seemed preoccupied with admiring himself in the Sky News satellite.

'I haven't got all day' Naboo complained, adjusting his turban in the cold, night air and looking lazily at the snow.

'Bollo wonder why Bollo has to saw tree, when Naboo had magic' Bollo replied, glancing at Naboo who quickly hid his look of embarrassment.

'Oh yeah' he sighed, 'Move away then' Bollo stood back and watched as Naboo tooted on a whistle.

A woodcutter; 6ft of flannel shirted manliness appeared and blanched at the scene.

'You do know this is illegal' he said to Naboo, frowning slightly. 'This tree belongs to the council, this is theft, mate'

'Yeah yeah just get on with it before I summon the big bad wolf' Naboo said, resting against a neighboring tree and rolling his eyes at Bollo.

Honestly, fairy-tale folk were so _preachy_. Like everyone didn't know about him and that red-caped tart.

**_I'm dreaming of a white Christmas  
With every Christmas card I write  
May your days be merry and bright  
And may all your Christmases be white_**

Vince unconsciously poked his tongue out the side of his mouth as he scribbled another card, fletching his wrist as it began its familiar ache. '67 down, 123 to go' he said to himself, picking up a green gel-pen and opening his next card, turning to his right he picked up the list and began writing.

'Done yet?' asked Howard, coming up behind him and placing a mug of tea beside him.

Vince looked up and frowned, 'no, not yet. It's taking _ages_' he complained. Howard nodded sympathetically and rested against the counter, crossing his ankles.

'Want me to take over for a bit?' he offered. 'No, thanks' said Vince, 'they need pure Noir Christmas magic, not you going on about Yuletide felicitations'

Howard looked affronted and moved towards the shop window, admiring how the snow caught the light before softly falling the floor. A little girl went by the window and shyly waved, Howard quickly turned behind him to make sure it wasn't directed at Vince before waving back to the girl who blew him a kiss.

'A little girl just waved at me and blew me a kiss' Howard said happily to Vince, turning around and seeing the pile of cards tumble, a few scattering onto the floor.

'What, sorry?' asked Vince, distractedly trying to remember how you spelt Jacques Le Cube. Howard repeated himself as he picked up the cards.

'Awh' said Vince, putting down his pen for a well-needed break. He reached up and kissed Howard before linking his arms round his neck, 'that's 'cause you're lovely'.

**_Hang all the mistletoe  
I'm gonna get to know you better, yeah  
This Christmas  
And as we trim the tree  
How much fun its gonna be together, yeah ha  
This Christmas_**

**_Fireside is blazing bright  
Were caroling through the night  
And this Christmas, will be yeah  
A very special Christmas, for me yeah_**

Howard finished lighting the small fire, not pausing to wonder how a fire was able to be lit in a room with no visible chimney. He moved onto admiring the tree, its pretty decorations sparkling underneath the neon flashing lights. Upon realising his mission was not complete Howard picked up the bag and resumed his Christmas duty.

Vince wandered into the living room, drawn to the rich smell of mulled wine and cinnamon. 'Howard' he called, stopping in his tracks at the sight before him. Vince's mouth gaped, quite unattractively.

Above his head were clumps of mistletoe, about 30 in total, all hanging down and tied with a neat red ribbon. Howard's head popped out from behind the couch.

'Surprise' he said weakly. He jumped to his feet and moved towards Vince, comically slowing down when he saw Vince's shocked face. 'Um' he said, stopping a few feet from Vince, who was standing pigeon-toed and bewildered.

'If you wanted a kiss you only had to ask' Vince mumbled, looking at the floor. Howard smiled a slanted smile and took down a bunch.

'Now Vince, a lecture on the bounty of Nature at Christmas' he said grandly, gesturing to Vince to sit down. Vince rolled his eyes and slumped onto the sofa, muttering 'kill me now' in a sulky tone.

Howard patiently ignored him. 'Now Vince' he said, 'Mistletoe is not in fact the savior of the facially challenged, it is a parasite' Vince pulled a face and looked around for a copy of Cheekbone. With none forthcoming he sighed and brought his legs under him; this way he could be comfy whilst being bored.

'Fewer still are privy to the convoluted history behind the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe. And its literary history is a forgotten footnote for all but the most scholarly.' Howard paused and rocked back on his feet. Vince had momentarily perked up at the mention of kissing, but examined his fingernails at the nonsense that followed.

'But there are some traditions' Howard said. 'Worth following' Vince looked up to see Howard, slightly pink and with a twinkle in his eye. He leaned forwards, expectantly.

'Like' Howard said, trying to ignore the slightly-pouting Vince who looked gorgeous, shimmering in the twilight. 'Like how in days of Yore, men took mistletoe in local villages, and the women took each berry in exchange for a kiss' Howard paused and looked pained, 'it turned out the berries are poisonous, and those young ladies _perished_, but netherless, it's a nice, festive idea'

Vince stopped staring at Howard's mouth and reflected on the myth. Talk about a downer. Vince decided he had had enough of this, so he got to his feet, kicked off his boots and took Howard's hand and led him down the hallway. 'Honestly Howard' he said, shutting the door behind them securely, 'you will make up _anything_ to get a shag' 

**_Then the stranger spoke, he said "Do not fear,  
I come from a planet a long way from here,  
And I bring a message for mankind to hear,"  
And suddenly the sweetest music filled the air..._**

_I am so sick_ _of Vince _thought Howard. _All his stupid electro nonsense and his on-going affair with the bloody mirror. _He then kicked a nearby shrub and backed-off as a voice drawled out, 'gonnadressyouintinselandhurtyou' 

_What happened to this neighborhood? _Howard questioned, aimlessly wandering the streets and ending up in front of the jazz emporium: 'toot on this'. He was just reflecting on the cost of a new tweed plectrum when a snowball hit him full-force in the face. He landed flat on his back with two strange faces peering at him, and he started.

'Ah, he is awake' said one of the pair, in a grand tone. Howard blinked at the sight of the man, a man with a huge afro that was wobbling slightly with a makeshift door in the centre and a suspicious looking skintone. Howard closed his eyes again.

'E's gone to sleep 'gain' said the other and Howard cautiously opened an eye to see the other, dreadlocks covered in snowflakes, leering slightly at him. He tensed up and backed against the wall.

'Don't hurt me, I've got...' Howard suddenly stopped. 'Are you wearing a dress?' he asked the man with the afro. The man looked annoyed and glanced warningly at the other, who was showing signs of giggling, 'No it is NOT a dress' he said loudly, 'it's a robe, a sacred robe' Howard nodded non-convincingly and the man huffed petulantly.

'I am Spider' the man with dreadlocks said, offering him a hand and helping him up. Howard accepted the hand but instantly regretted it as Spider groped him as he helped him to his feet.

'That's quite enough Sir!' he spluttered, looking imploringly at the other man. 'Sorry, he is still rough around the edges' he explained, 'not spiritual like I'

'But who are you?' Howard asked tiredly. The man flung an arm into the heavens and puffed out his chest, 'I go by many..' but he was cut off by Spider who grunted, 'We all know your names Rudi, now shut up and lets get back to business, uh'.

'What do you want?' Howard asked, backing away from Spider who was pulling a lecherous face as he adjusted his chaps. 'We are here to stop you making a big mistake' Rudi said, straightening his robes.

'What mistake?' asked Howard.

'The plectrum' Spider said, winking at Howard before gesturing to the shop window. Howard looked confused. Rudi sighed, 'you aren't very mystical are you?' Spider nodded, agreeing sympathetically with Rudi.

'Its not my fault' said Howard, in a high-pitched voice, 'whats the plectrum got to do with anything?' Rudi went to say something then stopped as he made a face of pain, then the little door in his afro suddenly opened and a small hand poked out, holding a photo.

Spider tutted, 'Take it then, stupid idiot' Howard took the photo, and looked at it. It showed Vince, bright red, coughing violently and Howard, standing next to him, with a look of pure panic on his pale face.

Howard suddenly felt a shiver down his spine and his stomach lurched.

'What. Is. This' he said threateningly to Rudi, who seemed to be in charge.

'What might happen if you buy that plectrum' Rudi said authoratively.

'Vince dies' Spider added, unhelpfully, 'he thinks it's a sweet'

'I was getting to that' said Rudi, looking at Spider and rolling his eyes, 'In my own good mystical time'. Seeming perturbed he affectionately touched his afro in a gesture of self-comfort.

'So you came to tell me, wait a minute, where are you even from?' Howard asked, not wanting to look down at that photo ever again.

'We' said Rudi, 'are from another place, another time'

_Mexico_, Spider mouthed behind Rudi's shoulder.

Howard tilted his head, 'but why me, why come and help me?'

'Because its Christmas' said Rudi, 'and you're meant to be with Vince, Howard'.

Howard nodded. Rudi touched his arm, 'Trust us' he said.

'And besides, you play trashy Jazz' Spider interjected, looking disdainful, we need to stop you. Howard; you need to find the _sound_'.

Howard heard a noise down the street and turned to see what it was. When he turned to ask them another question they were gone. All he could hear was the strum of a guitar and echo of the tinkle of a bell.

**_Well the weather is cruel,  
and the season of Yule warms the heart, but it still hurts.  
You've got your career, spent the best part of last year apart and it still hurts  
So that's why I pray each and every Christmas day that it won't end_**

**_Don't let the bells end  
Christmas time, just let them ring in peace._**

Naboo rolled his eyes as Vince dramatically sighed and huffed for the 20th time that hour. He has used up his sympathy quota a long time ago.

'If you would just apologise' he said, rubbing his head, he was developing a headache over all this.

'I can't' Vince said, his blue eyes wide, 'it's been too long, too much has happened'.

'Vince find someone new' Bollo said, passing him a muffin and patting his heat. Vince beamed angelically as he took the muffin, then his face fell.

'I don't want to' he said, 'I just want Howard'.

'You can have him' said Naboo, taking aspirin and knocking it back.

'But I have my pride' Vince said, raising his head slightly.

Naboo muttered something that may have been 'in those trousers…?'

Vince's eyes narrowed, 'you don't know what its like' he said, standing up and gesturing around him, 'wondering how you can go on, what to do now, where do I go, what do I do?'

Bollo nearly applauded this performance; but kept himself in check and went to wash-up.

Naboo looked at the clock and tutted at how slow it was going. 'Just say you are sorry' he said slowly, 'you shouldn't have thrown out all his clothes, it wasn't nice' Vince went to argue back, but only petulantly shrugged,

'Was only trying to help Howard look his best' he said quietly.

'Yeah' said Naboo encouragingly, 'but Howard likes the way he is, you wouldn't like it if he made you wear his style' Vince blanched in horror and covered his mouth, shaking his head.

The stairs creaked and Howard came up, his hair all blown about from the wind and wearing only a Mac, his fine Northern pins stealing focus. Vince's hand fell away and he just stared.

'You're back' he said, sinking against the couch and bringing a hand to his forehead.

'I've been' Howard checked, '10 minutes Vince' he said, confused. 'I just went to get a paper and to clear my head'.

'I'm sorry' Vince said quickly, dragging his eyes reluctantly back up to Howard's face.

'I know' Howard said, moving forwards a little. 'But I realised the good thing about you throwing all my clothes out…' Howard smirked and walked into the hallway.

Naboo raised an eyebrow as Vince, stood still for a moment, before sprinting down the hallway, skidding a little in his boots.

**_I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum  
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum  
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,  
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,_**

**_Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,  
On my drum? _**

'What the hell do I buy for Vince' Howard moaned, resting his head against the glass counter and sighing. 'I don't know Sir' said the Christmas temp, mentally repeating 'Ibiza 2009, think Ibiza 2009'

'I mean' said Howard, slightly tipsy. 'It's Christmas Eve, and he's so wonderful' he said, standing up and staring dreamily into the lights.

'Yeah' said the temp, gesturing to his manager and making the universal sign for drunk.

'And he does _so_ much for me' Howard said, winking at the temp who was backing off now.

'You look a bit different' Howard said, bemused, to the manager who had taken the temp's place and was deciding to call security or not.

'He likes…glitter…' Howard said, 'And me…and dancing…and flirt…flirtiani's…flirtini's'.

The manager smirked, 'what about this Sir?' he said, offering his most expensive bracelet. Howard made a face, staggered back a little.

'Sir!' he yelped, sounding very grand and foolish at the same time, 'How dare you insult me with this…this 5th rate display'

The manager pressed the button for security.

Vince sighed as he walked into the cell, hearing Howard sing from down the hall.

'Oh Howard' he said, as the police officer grinned at him, professionalism slipping as he gestured that he would be outside.

'Vince!' Howard called, running forward and grabbing Vince, resting his head against his chest and humming, happily.

Vince tried to be angry, but it was so hard with this lovely drunken Howard, all easy affection and giggles.

'What are you like eh?' he said, absent-mindedly stroking Howard's hair.

'There is nothing special enough for you' Howard said sleepily, rubbing Vince's back as they stayed locked in their cuddle.

'Oh, right' said Vince. The policeman had explained it a little differently; apparently a temp was suing Howard for emotional damages.

**_On the 4th day of Christmas my baby gave to me  
A candle lit dinner, just fo me and my honey  
On the 3rd day of Christmas my baby gave to me  
A gift certificate to get my fav-o-rite cd's  
On the 2nd day of Christmas my baby gave to me  
The keys to a CLK Mercedes  
On the 1st day of Christmas my baby gave to me  
Quality T, I, M, E_**

'Oh Howard' Old Gregg sighed, bouncing over to the framed artwork and grinning at it, 'You shouldn't have, you do spoil me so' Old Gregg waited for a moment, and giggled, 'I know, but still, oh well, it is the tinsel-times isn't it? The mistletoe-times?' he finished hopefully. He sat down, picked up his knife and fork and began to eat, occasionally pausing to make romantic conversation.

'I have!' he said brightly, tilting his head to the watercolour image, 'it was a loafer, I'm Old Gregg!'

The next day Old Gregg mimed a knock at the door. 'Oh Howard' he said coyly, 'this better not be another surprise, my fuzzy little man peach!'

He opened a pretend door and took an envelope down from the shelf in front of him. 'A voucher for Funk' he said happily, moving from foot to foot. 'Howard cares so much for his mermaid-merman' Old Gregg turned and blew a kiss to the portrait.

The following day pictorial Howard presented Old Gregg with a key to a car, Old Gregg jumped in his box, picking up the picture carefully and rested in on a cushion next to his makeshift seat. 'Where shall we go?' Old Gregg said thoughtfully, he paused and nodding thoughtfully, 'I agree! I'm Old Gregg'

On the final day the image of Howard presented the love of his life with himself, for some quality time. 'Oh Howard' Old Gregg said, fluttering his eyelashes and straightening his tutu. 'I will gladly show you my downstairs mix-up. I'm Old Gregg!' 

_**The moon is right  
The spirits up  
Were here tonight  
And that's enough Simply having a wonderful Christmas time**_

'I love the way you look at me' Vince said softly, turning slightly on the roof to face Howard.

Howard smiled, 'Like what?' he said, making a silly face and making Vince laugh as he snuggled into his cardigan.

'Not like that' he protested, 'like when we wake-up and you sort of…' he mimed, trying to explain, 'blink down at me, like 'Oh, you're still here'. Howard looked embarrassed.

'You still do it' Vince said, almost to himself, 'Like you thought in the night I would run off, and in the morning you would be alone'

Howard half-nodded. 'Bit of an insult' Vince said, rubbing his cheek against Howard's jaw as he propped himself up a bit.

'How?' said Howard, moving his head down to kiss Vince's cheek.

'That you would still think I would go, would leave you'

Howard felt guilty, 'it's not like that, not a slight on you' he said falteringly, 'I just don't see what you see in me' he raised a hand slightly in protest at Vince's protestation. 'I know, I know' he sighed, 'Just give me a bit longer?'

Vince thought about it. 'No' he said, sitting up properly to face Howard, who's face was so adorably confused he had to lean in to kiss him.

'You need to know it _now_, you are such a good person' he said, cupping Howard's cheek to make sure he didn't continue to look at the tiles.

The moon rolled his eyes. That bloke wasn't _that_ good a person; he had seen him shit on a swan once.

'And you've always stuck by me' Vince said, getting a little emotional as Howard took his hand.

'I am so soft' Vince laughed, 'its your bloody fault'

Howard smiled. 'No, I appreciate you saying it Vince'

'I'm not done yet' said Vince, leaning in to kiss Howard's neck, and smirking triumphantly when Howard's breath hitched.

'Now that is how you make _me_ feel, every single time you look at me, or touch me' Vince said seriously, 'if you couldn't figure it out from...y'know'

Vince tried miming something. The Moon got it, and kindly informed Venus of the mime, who was a bit innocent in these matters; and was guessing at a saxophone solo followed by a piggy-back race Howard got it, and flushed red.

'Oh' he said slowly. Vince nodded patiently, like a proud teacher. Which in a weird way, he was.

'So what about me?' Vince asked hopefully, after a moment's silence.

Howard stood up, holding onto the chimney for a balance, he turned back to Vince and shrugged.

'You're alright' he said offhandedly.

Vince laughed, 'Best you've ever had?' he asked, standing up and cockily placing a hand on his hip.

'Easily' said Howard.


End file.
